I used to wash off the wings of moths in the fountain my backyard as a kids because i thought they were dirty.

I thought Elton John started a solo career after he left Tenille. (Captain and Tenille)

I remember l.looking at the TV guide one day to see what would be on HBO. Back then you only had either HBO or TMC (the baaad one that showed rated R movies at day). I saw that there was a movie called “Everything you wanted to know about \sex but were afraid to ask”. Then my parents said later “there’s a good movie on HBO tonight. So i started really sweating. My stomach was in knots. Were they going to talk to me about IT?? Well when 7pm rolled around imagine my relief when it was actually Ice Castles coming on. I looked at the wrong listing. I never actually watched Ice castles the whole time it was on, I kept thinking about the other movie and what bawdiness it might have in it. Sorry Robbie.

When i saw the 7th voyage of Sinbad – i remember being freaked out by the part where they’re on the ship and the scary witch comes out of a purple sky. when Hurricane Frederick hit – I slept through most of it, but woke up and walked into our yard which was just totally wrecked. The sky was purple. I waited for that witch to come out of the sky. Then I just ran back into the house afraid she actually would.

When i saw Jaws, I acted all cool like it wouldn’t have an effect on me. Then when we got home that night I hid under the dining room table because I thought the shark would come out of the carpet.

I never played Clue because I couldn’t shake the thought there was a dead person involved.

I was in love with Freddie Mercury.

Speaking of gay, I didn’t know the meaning of the word. So as I was looking thru my best friend’s dad’s record collection, and one of her albums was mixed in – David Bowie. I was fussing over how cute he was and her father – a hardcore country fan – said “Oh he’s gay!” I asked what he meant. He said look at the way he dresses and acts. Too clean cut. So i saw his Alabama album cover (his fave) and said “Oh like these guys?”

I thought Xanadu was the best movie ever.

A boy I liked thought another girl who wore glasses was cute. So I used to wear my friend’s coke bottle glasses to make my eyesight worse. Boy moved. I’m still blind as a bat.

One of my friend’s was Mormon. She couldn’t drink the tea at my house. The girl across the street was a Jehovah’s Witness and wasn’t allowed to take an American flag sticker from me. I thought both of them were from another country and just forgot to tell me.

There was a gigantic mountain of oyster shells at the base of a bridge where i grew up. Nearby there was an old bathroom door just laying there. My friends dared me to use it as a board to slide down the mountain on. They helped me up with the door. I started down. The door stopped halfway down the shell mountain. I didn’t.

When a friend broke her arm and got a cast, I came up with the bright idea that we go around collecting money for Jerry’s Kids. Lots of people were happy to give us money when I said she was crippled. My mother was not so happy when she found out. I had to go around to each house and give the money back. Perhaps if the sign on the jar hadn’t been written in crayon…

My aunt from Japan came over and brought me lots of new clothes and one morning styled my hair before school. I looked so totally great! I rode my bike to school that morning and came to a 4 way stop. There was a woman in car to my right. We kept waving each other to go on, and then well, we both went. She hit me pretty hard, throwing me into the yard on the left. When I looked up my bike was being drug under her car as she still made it to the stop sign at the end of the block. I passed out. They got me into a cop car to wait for an ambulance to arrive. I only busted up my knee. But other kids are biking on their way to school, craning their necks to see in the car, and I say to the cop “Does my hair look ok?”

I wrote a love letter to John Schneider asking him if he used Oil of Olay to keep his face so smooth.

Oh here’s another letter I wrote – this one to my father.

“A glister golden year, It is very near, Now I love you, all of you, So time is slow, And all of us know!

Near and afar, I heal your scar, If I suffercate, I trust you won’t be late.” Sniff

I thought wearing dresses to school made me look stupid. So I used to sneak a pair of jeans in my bag then slip them on under my dress at school and bunch the bottom of my dress into the top of my jeans, making me look like I have front butt. But hey I wasn’t wearing no dress anymore!

OK whew, enough for now. i got plenty more stories. Stay tuned.

2PM What Happens When You Don’t Train a New Manager

HR clerk: He got so excited and he crapped all over himself.
Receptionist, laughing: Did Jim [manager] do that again?
Hr clerk: Uh, no, I was talking about my new puppy.
Receptionist: Oh, forget what I just said. Please forget! I was supposed to forget.